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My prayer to Sam (Yahweh)

My prayer to Sam (Yahweh)

Dear Sam (Yahweh)

You said with a booming voice from the sky “let him have five girlfriends” then introduced me to your two servants Allah and Father. Father has failed to get me five girlfriends through the peace of a butterfly and Allah has failed me through the sword of a bee.

I feel defeated! Please help me lord. I am fedup being lonely and not having children.